Overtime-depression connection
Work-life balance is as much of a challenge as ever, and now there is evidence. A study has found a connection between long work hours and major depressive episodes. Specifically, those who worked 11 hours a day or more were twice as likely to experience depression.
For many people, work is more stressful than ever: worries about layoffs, doing more with fewer resources or taking on the responsibilities that used to be shared among a larger staff. No wonder that more Americans are taking antidepressant medication than ever.
While long hours are not a matter of choice for many people, for others overtime has become a style of working rather than an obligation imposed from outside. Maybe they are perfectionists, unable to let go of a project or responsibility when it has reached “good enough” status. Or their anxiety translates into obsessive behavior around work assignments. For others, work becomes a way of avoiding an empty home life.
A life that works requires balance: interpersonal intimacy, physical activity and fun in addition to employment. If work has started to crowd out the rest of your life, take action to avoid feelings helpless and becoming depressed. If the situation is temporary, look for stress relievers like exercise and time with friends to get you through. But if work is a chronic problem, look at what you can do to restore work-life balance. That may mean changing how you approach your work. It may mean changing jobs. For sure it means working to live, not living to work.
Changing Sexual Orientation?
The leader of Exodus International has acknowledged what gay men and women have been saying for years: it is extremely rare for someone to actually change sexual orientation. How rare? Exodus’s President, Alan Chambers (via equalitymatters.org):
The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9 percent of them, have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction. I think that there is a gender issue there. There are some women who have challenged me and said, “Well that – my orientation or my attractions have changed completely.” Those have been few and far between. The vast majority of people that I know do still experience some level of same-sex attraction.
Consider that Exodus works with very highly motivated individuals – mostly people who imagine they will experience eternal damnation if they aren’t successful. Even with that sort of “encouragement,” these folks are as gay as they ever were.
What Exodus does sometimes change, at least temporarily, is how that sexuality is expressed. A man may have as much attraction to other men as ever, but with sufficient motivation – there’s that damnation thing again, plus family pressure and society’s privileging of heterosexuality – some men can act heterosexual. Sometimes these men get married, much to their later regret and the regret of their wives. And sometimes men stay single and try to avoid sexual thoughts about men. How well does that work? Let’s do an experiment. Right now, try not to think of an elephant.
This is not a formula for a happy, fulfilling life. This is a prescription for loneliness, self-loathing and isolation.
I’ve written elsewhere about understanding sexual orientation. A better course of action for conflicted individuals is working through these conflicts to explore what is most true for themselves and what sort of choices lead to a life that is satisfying, loving and connected with others.
Feeling stuck?
We all get stuck. We have times in our life when things go swimmingly, and other times when we don’t know whether to turn left or right. What to do? Here’s a bit of inspiration from Burning Man 2011 based on Dr. Seuss’s last book, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” (It is age restricted for some reason; I have no idea why.)
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.
(And thanks to Patrick for calling my attention to this.)
Survey: Half of gay men “would die a year early” for the perfect body
I’ve written before about the body image pressures on gay men. We tend to feel a lot of pressure to work out and look good. This is gay culture at its most competitive; many men fear that if they don’t lose that extra five pounds or work out five days a week, they will never look good enough to land a boyfriend.
A British survey published today now finds that half of British gay men are so eager for the perfect body they would give up a year of life. 10% of men said they would give up 11 years of life!
Body image anxiety is rampant in the gay male community. Our media tends to be saturated with semi-nude photos of hairless, buff bodies on cruise ships, at bars and dance parties and elsewhere. Photos of handsome men advertise everything from pet care to legal services. Everyone likes looking at photos of attractive people, but the message many men – especially many young men – get is: if you’re not conventionally attractive and totally ripped, you’re invisible. The standard they internalize is so high it becomes unattainable.
This over-concern about body perfection is both unrealistic and hazardous. It contributes to the high level of social anxiety in our community. It gives us unnecessary and unrealistic fears about aging. The sense of self-criticism and self-judgement erodes our self-esteem. It leads to eating disorders, steroid use and unnecessary cosmetic surgery to correct real or imaginary flaws. And we can end up viewing others as objects to be evaluated or judged rather than friends with whom we can enjoy life.
What to do?
- Pay attention to how advertising images are used to attract and manipulate you in the media. Ask yourself: what is being sold here?
- Don’t participate in catty conversation about other men’s attractiveness, age, etc. Recognize that everyone is unique, and that worth is not reducible to muscles and cuteness. And that bitchy conversation just plays into a very unattractive stereotype!
- When it comes to working out, learn to value physical health more than physical perfection.
- If you find yourself prone to negative body image, learn to stop the self-criticism. Be kind to yourself. Accept yourself as you are, not as you imagine others expect you to be.
