Emotionally sensitive people
“Don’t be so….sensitive.” Some people hear that a lot. It can be uncomfortable at times if you’re a woman. If you’re an emotionally sensitive man, life can be pretty tough, because our society expects men to be in control of their emotions. Sensitive people often have a keen sense of empathy for others. In fact, they may be uncomfortably empathic, having a difficult time distinguishing between what a distraught friend is feeling and their own sense of being upset. That can lead to difficulty in setting healthy...
read moreThe resilience of gay seniors
The Atlantic recently reported on a study of LGBT seniors, and as you might expect, the picture is complicated: The respondents reported greater rates of disability, depression, and loneliness, and were more likely to smoke and binge-drink compared to heterosexuals of similar ages. Almost two-thirds of them had been victimized at least three times, and 13 percent had been denied health care or received inferior care. Still, LGBT older adults remained resilient. Nine in 10 engaged in wellness activities like meditation and 82 percent said they...
read moreHow do you know if you’re really in love?
This week is Valentine’s Day, and our culture turns to the most syrupy, most sentimental ideas of love and relationships. If you have a spouse or partner, you’ll probably be making time for romance. If you’re single, you’ll probably be grinning and bearing it and eager for the calendar page to turn. But what if you’re dating? How do you know if you’ve found “the one?” Whether its images of Cupid’s arrow or talk of chemistry, most people expect to know quickly, if not instantaneously, when they’ve fallen in love. ...
read moreFlirting: there’s an app for that
From the New York Times: the web has provided matchmaking sites since the dawn of time. Now your phone wants in on the act and stands ready to help you with one of those dating skills that some find easy and others find incredibly difficult: flirting. Have trouble getting up the nerve to approach the guy or gal who’s got your attention? There are apps that automate flirting like IFlirt4U. It will strike most people as a bit on the unsophisticated side. Potentially more useful is a wiki called How to Flirt from wikiHow. Its...
read moreThe end of illness?
There is more and more evidence that we make choices that dramatically impact the state of our health, the focus of a new book called The End of Illness by David Agus. Macleans.ca summarizes the book this way: Take statins if you’re over 50, and baby Aspirin, too. Drop the vitamin supplements like they were a lit cigarette. Junk the juicer. If the vegetables at the supermarket aren’t today-fresh, opt for fresh frozen. Wear sensible shoes. Eat lunch and go to bed at the same time every day. Get your flu shot. Move around a lot, even when...
read moreAnxiety and modern life
Find yourself troubled by anxiety? You’ve got lots of company. By some estimates, 40 million Americans suffer from anxious emotional states. While there aren’t good year-to-year statistics about whether that is increasing, there’s no denying we live in stressful times. Work is stressful, many people are still recovering financially, unemployment remains too high and 2012 is an election year in the US, guaranteeing endless messages of doom, gloom and hostility in the media. Anxiety can take many forms: panic attacks,...
read moreEmotional awareness
Psychotherapists often ask questions like “What’s going on inside of you right now?” or “what are you feeling as you talk about this?” We do this not because we are sadistic, but because paying attention to what’s going on inside is often an important step in addressing depression, anxiety, stress and other things that make us unhappy. We’ve got a lot going on inside of us at any given moment. Our minds are very busy, full of thoughts and emotions, much of it going on in the background; that can make it very hard to define...
read moreOvertime-depression connection
Work-life balance is as much of a challenge as ever, and now there is evidence. A study has found a connection between long work hours and major depressive episodes. Specifically, those who worked 11 hours a day or more were twice as likely to experience depression. For many people, work is more stressful than ever: worries about layoffs, doing more with fewer resources or taking on the responsibilities that used to be shared among a larger staff. No wonder that more Americans are taking antidepressant medication than ever. While long...
read moreChanging Sexual Orientation?
The leader of Exodus International has acknowledged what gay men and women have been saying for years: it is extremely rare for someone to actually change sexual orientation. How rare? Exodus’s President, Alan Chambers (via equalitymatters.org): The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9 percent of them, have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of...
read moreFeeling stuck?
We all get stuck. We have times in our life when things go swimmingly, and other times when we don’t know whether to turn left or right. What to do? Here’s a bit of inspiration from Burning Man 2011 based on Dr. Seuss’s last book, “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” (It is age restricted for some reason; I have no idea why.) You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU...
read moreAbout John
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to relationships, intimacy, sexuality, anxiety, depression and work-life balance. He can be reached at john.ballew@gmail.com or at (404) 874-8536. Copyright 2012 by John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint an article. Thanks!
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