Relationship tip: The importance of time together.
We‘re busy. Long hours at work – and in a city like Atlanta, often a long commute – chores at home, time at the gym and the day-to-day grind of life…before you know it, the day is gone. Then the week is gone. If we don’t take time for what is truly important to us, life loses its focus and direction. That’s especially true for relationships. Two busy partners can end up making everything a priority except the relationship. This is especially true when instead of holding one another accountable, the mutual busy-ness...
read moreHow to be alone
Maybe you saw the headline in the AJC: Atlanta tops for people living alone. The May 1 article noted that Atlanta is tied for Washington with 38.5% of households consisting of one person. More and more of us are living alone, it seems. So why does being alone seem like a problem for so many of us? Sometimes being alone conjures up negative feelings – shame for not having someone to do something with, or fear that our aloneness either reflects something negative about us or is the way will always be. But for most of us, being alone...
read moreLove is not enough: thinking the unthinkable
Via JoeMyGod: Think about it: your partner dies unexpectedly. You are in utter shock. It is by far the worst day of your life. Then things get much worse, unthinkably and cruelly worse. Until our relationships are legally recognized, same-sex couples are in great peril if they don’t take legal steps to protect one another. Not only is the relationship dishonored – it is as if it never existed at all. So in addition to the pain of grief, there is the threat of financial catastrophe. The couple in this video is young. It is...
read moreReparative therapy and “ex-gays”
By now, talking about the lack of success in changing sexual orientation can feel a little repetitive and boring. Still, enough people continue to fall prey to these fraudsters that I think it is worth a little more conversation. Gabriel Arana recently wrote an excellent and very readable report of his own experience with reparative therapy in an article called “My so-called ex-gay life” in The American Prospect. His article is worth your attention because he has first hand experience with the biggest names in the “ex-gay” field,...
read moreBreakup-less breakups
Ending a relationship is almost always painful, even if you’re the one who initiated it. The relationship started with hopes and dreams; now it is drawing to a close. Even a relationship that has grown lifeless has a familiarity and comfort about it: the little daily routines that stitch life together will be missed. Small wonder, then, that some couples try to end the relationship without…actually ending the relationship. Maybe there’s a decision to end the commitment to one another, but the daily phone calls at work...
read moreWhat causes homophobia?
A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology says that a combination of repressed same-sex attraction and authoritarian parents cause homophobia. Strict parenting – common in fundamentalist households – thwart young people from developing a healthy sense of autonomy. When a child in such a family starts to feel attraction towards someone of the same sex, that desire must then be concealed and defended against. And it gets worse from there. If you’re gay or lesbian, none of this is likely to strike you as news. It...
read moreWhy did Bob Bergeron kill himself?
Perhaps you’ve read the news: 48 year old psychotherapist Bob Bergeron took his life earlier this year. The author of a book entitled “The Right Side of Forty” and a therapist in New York City, Bergeron’s suicide was unexpected and rather out of the blue. He was a good looking guy with a successful practice, a supportive family and no known health problems or history of depression. What on earth happened? I didn’t know Bergeron. My purpose in writing about him is not to criticize him, but to look at what his life and his...
read moreMore questions about “normal” sexuality
Is kink OK? Experimenting with sexuality is normal and healthy, and variety truly is the spice of life. “Kinky” is a very broad term that covers many, many activities. Playing with erotic power and exploring your sexy inner bad boy (or girl) can be ways to enjoy and enhance healthy sex. Something may not be “normal” in the sense of “statistically average,” but that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it. The key words in kinky play are safe, sane and consensual. Safe means just that – nothing unhealthy, dangerous,...
read moreWhat does “normal” sexuality look like?
What’s sexually normal? That’s a question most of us ask ourselves at one point or another. Small wonder; our society doesn’t make it easy to find basic information, even though talk about sex is everywhere. Funny how “normal” is just another word for “average.” The former sounds better than the latter! Still, it is, um, “normal” for people to wonder about these things. How often do most couples have sex? There’s a lot of variability from couple to couple. It is typical for couples to have more sex early in the...
read moreA simple cheat sheet for career choices
Making career choices is tough. We get caught in what psychotherapists call “approach-avoidance conflict.” We move toward making a change out of hope things will get better (approach); but we fear making a mistake, or jumping from the frying pan into the proverbial fire (avoidance). Small wonder many of us remain stuck until someone makes the decision for us. Sarah Peck has come up with a simple way of thinking through the decision that I think is brilliant. When you’ve already done the work of investigating some options and...
read moreAbout John
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to relationships, intimacy, sexuality, anxiety, depression and work-life balance. He can be reached at john.ballew@gmail.com or at (404) 874-8536. Copyright 2012 by John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint an article. Thanks!
Subscribe to my blog
