Inside the mind of a closeted gay man
It is getting easier all the time to live an openly gay life. So why are a significant number of gay men still in the closet in 2012? Life is getting better for many of us. Compared with even 10 years ago, our relationships are more likely to be recognized (Maryland, Washington and New York have legislated marriage equality in the past 12 months), we’re more visible than ever on television and elsewhere, and the national conversation on bullying is bringing greater awareness and support for the struggles of young gay men and women. Those...
read moreI’m on TV today talking about closeted gay men
I’ll be appearing on TruTV’s In Session today between noon and 1 pm EST giving insight into the thinking of Tyler Clementi and M.B., the closeted gay man with whom he was videotaped just prior to Tyler’s jumping off the George Washington Bridge in September, 2010. The case is tragic. Tyler’s suicide came in the midst of the suicides of several very young men who had experienced anti-gay bullying taking their lives. The outcry helped energize the campaign against bullying.
read moreHave low self-esteem? Facebook may make it worse
From The Atlantic online comes this report: People with low self-esteem tend to use social media like Facebook in ways that accentuate the negative. The research was done with students, but it is likely applicable to older users as well. People with limited self-esteem tend to post more negative things about themselves online. Those negative posts impact other people, as well as how those who post are perceived. That, in turn, affects the poster’s social standing. People don’t generally respond well to persistent...
read moreQuick relationship tip: 5 steps to effective communication for couples
If you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you’ve no doubt learned that effective communication with your partner isn’t something you master quickly or all at once. Relationships are complicated. Even the best ones have opportunities for misunderstanding and hurt feelings because you and your partner share life together and life is messy. Communication is an art. I’ve written about couple’s communication elsewhere, but here are some ideas for improving the quality of your communication with your beloved: Think before you...
read moreEmotionally sensitive people
“Don’t be so….sensitive.” Some people hear that a lot. It can be uncomfortable at times if you’re a woman. If you’re an emotionally sensitive man, life can be pretty tough, because our society expects men to be in control of their emotions. Sensitive people often have a keen sense of empathy for others. In fact, they may be uncomfortably empathic, having a difficult time distinguishing between what a distraught friend is feeling and their own sense of being upset. That can lead to difficulty in setting healthy...
read moreThe resilience of gay seniors
The Atlantic recently reported on a study of LGBT seniors, and as you might expect, the picture is complicated: The respondents reported greater rates of disability, depression, and loneliness, and were more likely to smoke and binge-drink compared to heterosexuals of similar ages. Almost two-thirds of them had been victimized at least three times, and 13 percent had been denied health care or received inferior care. Still, LGBT older adults remained resilient. Nine in 10 engaged in wellness activities like meditation and 82 percent said they...
read moreHow do you know if you’re really in love?
This week is Valentine’s Day, and our culture turns to the most syrupy, most sentimental ideas of love and relationships. If you have a spouse or partner, you’ll probably be making time for romance. If you’re single, you’ll probably be grinning and bearing it and eager for the calendar page to turn. But what if you’re dating? How do you know if you’ve found “the one?” Whether its images of Cupid’s arrow or talk of chemistry, most people expect to know quickly, if not instantaneously, when they’ve fallen in love. ...
read moreFlirting: there’s an app for that
From the New York Times: the web has provided matchmaking sites since the dawn of time. Now your phone wants in on the act and stands ready to help you with one of those dating skills that some find easy and others find incredibly difficult: flirting. Have trouble getting up the nerve to approach the guy or gal who’s got your attention? There are apps that automate flirting like IFlirt4U. It will strike most people as a bit on the unsophisticated side. Potentially more useful is a wiki called How to Flirt from wikiHow. Its...
read moreThe end of illness?
There is more and more evidence that we make choices that dramatically impact the state of our health, the focus of a new book called The End of Illness by David Agus. Macleans.ca summarizes the book this way: Take statins if you’re over 50, and baby Aspirin, too. Drop the vitamin supplements like they were a lit cigarette. Junk the juicer. If the vegetables at the supermarket aren’t today-fresh, opt for fresh frozen. Wear sensible shoes. Eat lunch and go to bed at the same time every day. Get your flu shot. Move around a lot, even when...
read moreAnxiety and modern life
Find yourself troubled by anxiety? You’ve got lots of company. By some estimates, 40 million Americans suffer from anxious emotional states. While there aren’t good year-to-year statistics about whether that is increasing, there’s no denying we live in stressful times. Work is stressful, many people are still recovering financially, unemployment remains too high and 2012 is an election year in the US, guaranteeing endless messages of doom, gloom and hostility in the media. Anxiety can take many forms: panic attacks,...
read moreAbout John
John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to relationships, intimacy, sexuality, anxiety, depression and work-life balance. He can be reached at john.ballew@gmail.com or at (404) 874-8536. Copyright 2012 by John R. Ballew, M.S. All rights reserved. Please contact for permission to reprint an article. Thanks!
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