“What then kills love? Only this: neglect. Not to see you when you stand before me. Not to think of you in the little things.” — Jeanette Winterson
Maintaining healthy relationships requires effort, and it is easy to get distracted. Partners take one another for granted or get lazy – spending too much time at the office, or in front of the TV. Or they develop an unspoken agreement to avoid conflict and don’t pay attention to the slow accumulation of disappointments and resentments. Or routines become ruts, and the fun and sparkle slip away.
Fight complacency. Talk to each other about what’s going on in your life together. Are you happy? Are there nagging complaints or things you would like to change? Someone said, “Every criticism is really an unexpressed request.” If you find yourself feeling judgmental or fault-finding, notice if you have needs that aren’t getting met.
How’s your romantic life? Without keeping a relationship at least a little juicy, lovers can turn into glorified roommates.
And if there are problems that go beyond your ability to resolve them yourselves, don’t put off getting professional help. Too often, couples counseling becomes a last resort to save a floundering relationship, rather than the sort of consultation that can resolve problems early and make life better.