(404) 874-8536 johnballew@gmail.com

Bad Boys

Ever see an old bumper sticker:  “Good girls go to heaven; bad girls go everywhere!”  Is it true?  And what about good boys and bad boys?

Good boys are solid citizens:  trustworthy, hard working, clean-cut.  When you were young, they were the ones that your mother wanted you to act like.  They washed their hands before dinner, always made their beds and got good grades in school.  As adults, these traits might translate into a being a guy with steady career, a bank account that’s never overdrawn, and few bad habits.  Good husbands, great friends…but maybe a little boring.

Bad boys are often risk-takers and troublemakers.  They enjoy stirring things up just to see what will happen:  cutting class if it was too boring, skipping homework if there was something more fun to do, trying forbidden stuff like cigarettes or booze or sex.  As adults they may still have that wild streak.  Delaying gratification has never been their thing.  If there’s a good time to be had, they are having it.  Lousy husbands, unpredictable friends; often a lot of fun.

As little boys, we were taught to find a good girl when it came time to get serious about dating.  Bad girls might be more fun, but you wouldn’t want to bring them home to Mom and Dad.  For most of us, the same model held up when we realized we were attracted to guys.  Potential partners are seen as either saints or sluts.  And saints aren’t sexy.

In relationships, this can lead us to seek out the good boys to be our partners… and then lose erotic interest in them.  Or we withhold the sexy bad boy parts of ourselves because we would be embarrassed if our partner thought we were out of control.

Some people spend a fair amount of time trying to get in touch with their “inner child.” Maybe they ought to try harder to find their inner juvenile delinquent.  One way to keep a relationship juicy is for each partner to let his bad boy out from time to time.  A life of too much moderation and virtue can become hopelessly tiresome.  (On the other hand, too much “bad boy energy” can make you crazy.)  Relationships that become boring are rarely sexy.

What sorts of things let your bad boy out to play?  Here are some clues:

  • Bad boys are likely to be messier than good boys.  A bad boy wants your load on his face, or vice versa.  He wants to hose you down when you shower together.  He gets lube all over your nice clean sheets.
  • Bad boys can get rude or pushy or arrogant.  Bad boys say things like “Oh yeah, suck my dick!” or “I want you to fuck me with that big cock tonight….”  (Some bad boys sound like a bad porn video, but you get the idea.)  They know how to enjoy themselves!
  • Bad boys like to show off or make a lot of noise.  Sometimes they dress up in leather or jockstraps or other sexy stuff.  Or they just like being naked.  They strut a little.  And no one asks a bad boy, “Did you cum yet?”  They may even howl or shout when they shoot.
  • Bad boys sometimes act like pigs. They want to get nasty with you.  They like sex – a lot – and they want it real and primal, like an animal in heat.

We’ve all got a bad boy inside of us.  When we unleash the little fella life can be a lot more fun.  Bad boys can turn sex into play again, and that’s very cool.

If you’re going to let your bad boy out, there are a couple of things to keep in mind.  Bad boys like to push limits, and that can get them into trouble.  Bad boys can drink or drug too much, and that’s not pretty.  Set some limits.  And remember that safer sex is a must, no matter how much of a pig the kid inside you wants to be.  Bad boys may want it raw, but you need to remind him to wrap that rascal unless you’re both monogamous and HIV-negative.

If you’re playing with a partner, letting your little animal out can feel risky.  There’s sometimes a fine line between being an animal and looking silly.  If your bad boy runs into a lot of attitude from your partner’s good boy, feelings are going to get hurt.  It’s an intimate thing to let someone else see this part of you, so check with your guy first to make sure he’s up for the ride.

About John

I have been  licensed by the State of Georgia as a professional counselor for more than 25 years.  My areas of specialty are relationships, intimacy, sexuality, anxiety and depression.  My passion is helping people build happier lives and stronger relationships. 

I know it isn’t always easy to talk about problems.  My approach to counseling is nonjudgmental and compassionate.  If you have questions, I welcome the opportunity to talk with you about working together.

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Whether you've worked with a therapist before or are exploring counseling for the first time, you probably have questions.  It is important to have the information you need to make a good decision when selecting a therapist.  I welcome your questions -- about your specific situation, about me or about my approach to therapy. Making things better can start with an email, or you can call me at (404) 874-8536.